The narcissist professes to being shocked by the untoward behaviour of a hitherto faithful spouse, loyal friend, or patient neighbor. "Whatever happened to them?" - he wonders - "What brought this on?" Why did his wife cheat on him? Why did his colleagues demand his resignation? Why did his neighbor turn violent all of a sudden? The narcissist is genuinely puzzled, very much as you would if your personal computer refused to obey your instructions for no good reason.

Aware of impending loss and doom, the narcissist embarks on a charm offensive, parading the most irresistible, brilliant, captivating, titillating, promising and thrilling aspects of his False Self. The aim is to reacquire that which has been forfeited to neglect and indifference, to rebuild relationships ruined by contempt and abuse - and, thus, to regain the mislaid fount of Narcissistic Supply.

Needless to add that once these targets are achieved, the narcissist reverts to old form and goes back to being impatient, negligent, emotionally absent, indifferent and abusive. Until another round of losses looms and reanimates the narcissist - a sad, repetitive automaton, forever imprisoned by his own non-existence.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)


This movie is part of the collection: Community Video

Producer: Sam Vaknin
Audio/Visual: sound
Keywords: narcissist; personality disorders; losses; life crises; roller-coaster; narcissistic supply; devalue and discard; intimacy; relationship; false self; gratification; shock; surprise; social cues; defeat; failure; loser; isolation; seclusion

Creative Commons license: Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0

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